


Your last wish is my first

by just_liv



Series: Next Gen [1]
Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, Next Generation, Platonic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 08:12:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3283244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_liv/pseuds/just_liv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy wants to go back and change everything, but the only thing she can change is what comes next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your last wish is my first

**Author's Note:**

> This a Gift for my dear friend Lenon! I hope you like it! 
> 
> All the mistakes are mine, unfortunately the same can't be said about the characters. Unless we're talking about the boy. Or Oona. 
> 
> But that's about it.

Twelve-year-old Amy Raudenfeld had once believed she would grow up to get married and live in a suburban two-story house with a green yard and a purple front door next to her best friend, Karma.

They were going to become adults, wives, and mothers and eventually grow old together, side by side.

Not with each other – that wasn’t really part of the plan – although later Amy would find herself wishing exactly that.

Life, however, did not end up quite as expected.

At the age of thirty-two, Amy was living in a two-bedroom apartment far from Texas, with her soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, Oona.

Oona, who was only a couple months older, had dark hair and almond-shaped eyes and was pretty and delicate like a flower. Oona who was known and loved by all of her friends, perhaps even more than Amy. Oona who was smart, funny and only sometimes exasperating with her tendency to analyze and plan every single aspect of their lives, of their future. Which was fine at first, almost endearing even, when the future had been just that, something yet to happen, far from reach.

But as the years passed, things started to change and Amy found herself in a delicate spot. Because she, apparently, couldn’t quite commit to the idea that now was the time to settle down and start a family.

Or so Oona had stated while placing the rest of her belongings inside a suitcase, decided that maybe some time apart was what both of them needed in order to figure things out.

“It feels like you’re always running Amy. I just don’t have the energy to chase you anymore.”

“But you’re the one who’s leaving.” Amy pointed out what seemed to be obvious.

“What difference does it make, when you’re not even here?”

“Oona, I’m here. I’m here right now.”

“You know you’re not. Not really.” Oona said with a sad smile, trying her best not to crumble.  

The solution to her apparently so simple: Either Amy wanted to be with her or not. Just like that. Yes or no.

To Amy, however, the problem was a bit more complex.

Sure she loved Oona, that’s why they were still together and sure she wanted them to have a family… someday. Just not the present one. Nor the next. And most likely not any time soon.

Let’s just say that – as expected – sweet, lovely Oona, who had been planning her wedding day even before same-sex marriage had become legal – didn’t take it too well.

Especially not after almost six years of waiting, and no indication whatsoever of any changes any time soon. 

With her suitcase in hand and tears streaming down her face, Oona whole-heartedly hoped Amy would find what she was looking for.

She just couldn’t bear to wait anymore.

Watching the woman she truly believed to be the one, leave, Amy was in the midst of considering going after her – and what she could say in order to do it so – when the yellow phone on her living room rang.

The second ring came as she was still biting her lower lip and the elevator door finally closed, taking away the memento.

Now do take note that when Amy picked up the phone she had been expecting to hear from exactly one person: her best friend.

So without so much as a hello, she picked up the speaker and started talking.

“Shane, now is really not a good time.”

To be fair, it really wasn’t.  

But before we can explore that, let’s take note that aside from the real state plans cultivated in her childhood, the best friend title Amy had once delegated to one Karma Ashcroft, today belonged solely to Shane Harvey.

(which also happened to be a plot twist she had not expected. And as we are about to see, not the last one on her journey).

With her eyes still glued to the front door, Amy found herself apologizing once she realized someone else was on the line. The next words she heard, however, after the introduction of one Ms. Thompson and the mention of Child Services, wouldn’t quite sink until much much later.

.::.

“I can’t believe Karma is dead.”

“I can’t believe she has a son. _Had a son_.” Lauren corrects herself as she and Shane take turns while pacing back and forth over Amy’s hardware floor.

Amy, on the other hand, doesn’t really participate, still very much in shock.

“And now someone wants you to take her kid in? How screwed up - and not to say outdated - is that?!” Lauren bristles without much care for her words. And for a moment Amy just stares at her, not sure why she ended up calling her step-sister first, from all people.

Lauren’s sensitivity couldn’t have been the reason for it, that’s for sure.

More likely the fact that up to this day, Lauren is still the most practical person Amy has come to know. And also what little family she has left, after the passing away of her mother to cancer a couple years back.

Amy could still remember the service. So many strangers and so few known faces. Lauren had been one. Shane had been there as well. Karma hadn’t showed up, not that Amy had expected her to (although, maybe a little, yeah).

And now Amy has a very concrete explanation to it. One she would never have guessed.

Apparently Karma had been too busy having a family and fighting a rare illness that had won the battle at the end. And Amy would probably never have found out about it, had she not been included in Karma’s will.

If there were ever a day not to leave the bed, Amy is pretty certain this would have been it.

But leave the bed she did.

And now, not only Oona is gone, but she has one more grave to visit.

“Can we just focus on the important thing here?” Shane urges dramatically, capturing the attention of both blondes. “Amy, could you by any chance be this kid’s real father? That would certainly explain a lot.”

There is a small silence during which his words hang in the air as if they could ever be taken seriously.

Then the cackling starts, spreading like an itch.

It’s the first real laugh Amy has in over the last 24 hours And more so if she is being honest.

Things had not been easy at the Law firm where Amy had spent most of her hours over the last five years, or at home with Oona and the long list of expectations that she could never really fulfill. Losing her mother in the meanwhile certainly didn’t help.

And now…

Sometime during the laughter Amy starts crying. Her girlfriend had dumped her, her work was sucking her soul and now Karma was dead.

Karma who has always been life and movement. Warmth and sparks.

She hadn’t really been part of Amy’s life within the last decade – and God had it really been this long? – but she was still there, possible if not probable, and now, now is too late for taking anything back.

Whatever stupid fight they had – and Amy can’t even remember the details of it, which only makes things sadder – they will never be friends again. 

Amy can’t quite remember much of what her twelve-year-old self had hoped for, but she is pretty sure this wasn’t it.

Shane hugs her and she cries and cries and cries, and Lauren doesn’t really say anything else, not until much later after having already packed a backpack – the only one Oona left behind – with some basic stuff that Amy will need on her way back to the place both of them used to call home.

And it doesn’t really come as a surprise when it becomes clear she’s going with Amy.

If anything Amy is almost glad, because Lauren may be insensitive and seemingly a stone cold bitch – that much hasn’t changed. But she’s also really good with the practical things, things that need to be done, knowing what to do and how to get there.

Which will certainly come in handy because somewhere in Texas there is a little boy without a mother, and despite Karma’s clear instructions, Amy is just as lost as him.

.::.

They meet with Ms. Thompson first thing next morning, and Amy is coffee deprived and almost zombie-like and Lauren does most of the talking, asking things that Amy hadn’t even thought of it.

Was Karma married or in a relationship? Is there a father in the picture, or do they even know his name? Are her parents alive and well and if so, why aren’t they taking the custody of their grandchild? How old is the kid?

What’s his name?

Levi.

Levi Ashcroft, nine years old, father unknown. The black woman who seems to be in her sixties reads from a file and there’s even a photo there, but all Amy sees is the glimpse of what may be red hair.

He is staying with his grandparents yes, and there’s a possibility they may take the boy in although it wouldn’t be advised given their advanced age and some health problems involving Mr. Ashcroft.

“Her wishes were very clear Ms. Raudenfeld. You were her first choice to become Levi’s legal guardian.” Amy’s hands are sweaty and Lauren who always has something to say, even when it’s not appropriated, says nothing. “Now we understand this is a rather important decision, one that cannot be taken lightly. From the info we managed to gather it would seem you are single and has no children, would that be correct?”

“Y-yeah,” Amy scoffs straitening her posture. “But I’m in a relationship. Have been, for about six years. With a woman. Would any of that be a problem?”

“As long as the environment is best suited for the child’s well-being, I’d say no.” The woman takes off her glasses, looking suddenly many years younger. “Listen, the most important part here is that you be aware that this is a very serious decision that will most likely have a major, if not complete, impact in your life as you know it, have you decide on taking this step.”

“You’re saying she has a choice then.” Lauren speaks up, straight as an arrow. “She is not obligated to take the kid in, despite Karma’s wishes.”

“I’m not.” Amy is the one to answer, what little she can remember about the subject from her college days, a faint memory. “But what will happen to him if I don’t?”

“With the father identity yet unknown, and the delicate situation with Ms. Ashcroft parents, we would try and find the closest relative available.”

“She had a brother, didn’t she?” Lauren cuts in again. “His name was Yoga or something equally ridiculous.”

“I believe you’re referring to Mr. Zen Ashcroft.” Ms. Thompson peeks again at the file. “We have yet to contact him, apparently he was living abroad last time his parents contacted him.”

“So there are options.” Lauren states, and not for the first time Amy can’t help but think **she** should have been the one to go to Law school.

“Yes, there are. However just how realistic they are, is still to be determined.” The woman says sternly and then looks straight into Amy’s soul – or so it seems. “I’m aware this isn’t an ideal situation Ms. Raudenfeld, nor something you have been expecting, I’m sure. But just as much as you need to be aware of what it means to take Levi in, it’s important to know of what could be the outcome if you decide not to. If we don’t find a best suited placement for the boy, the likeability is that he will end up as a ward of the state.”

“You mean, like, in a foster home?” Amy’s voice is shaky though she tries her best not to show it.

“It’s a concrete possibility. And given his age, I can’t say that he would ever be adopted. It could happen, but older kids don’t get much of a chance. Unfortunately.”

“I think this is enough for now.” Lauren says, clearly dismissing the woman. “As you said, this is a lot to take in. Amy will think about it and contact you with an answer.”

“Ok.” The woman prepares to leave, taking her thick folder with her – what makes Amy think of just how many children are out there, in need of a family, just like Karma’s son.

Before she goes, Amy surprises herself by asking. “Can I see him?”

“We can arrange a meeting.” The woman gives her a small smile.

“But he won’t know who Amy is. I mean, about this whole custody thing.” Lauren inquires, and her words hit Amy once again because how did this happen?

Karma has a son and he probably has no idea of who Amy is.

Ms. Thompson – who doesn’t seem to like Lauren that much, answers all business like. “If that’s what you wish.”

“Good, then.” Lauren says. But nothing about this is good. And that’s the one thing Amy is sure of.

.::.

“You can’t be serious.” Shane’s voice is faltering as if he were running up a hill.

“We are talking about a kid here, Shane. Of course I am.” Amy is laid down on the hotel bed, staring at the ceiling and hoping he’s at the gym and not doing something else. Ew.

“Yes, yes we are. And that’s exactly why I think you can’t be.” He stops, “Serious, I mean.”

“Well what am I supposed to do? This isn’t just about any kid. He’s Karma’s son.”

“You’re right. Hers, as in, not yours.”

“Okay, now you’re just sounding like Lauren.”

“I mean it Amy. You’re the one who has just been dumped because the mere idea of having a family makes you freeze and now you’re actually considering becoming responsible for someone else’s child? Also, how dare you? I would never sound like Lauren!”

“Okay, first of all, too soon. Second of all, as I said, this isn’t just someone else’s child.” Amy rolls over on the bed and nearly falls. Thank God Lauren is still in the shower.

“Honey,” Shane’s voice softens and Amy already knows what he’s about to say. And hates him for saying it almost as much as for being right. “I know you love Karma. _Loved_ Karma. I was there when you had to walk away in order to live with the fact that she didn’t love you back. Not in the way you wanted her or needed her to.”

Yes he was.

And she did remember. She remembered everything.

Amy had been devastated then. A mess.

She had known it was inevitable. Perhaps not when she first realized her feelings for Karma, or when she had to face the fact that Karma didn’t love her the same way (over and over again). At the time, Amy had honestly believed she would be able to learn how to _not_ love her. That she would find a way back to _just being friends_. And Reagan had certainly helped her believe in that. For a while.

But by the end, when Karma got engaged, it was Reagan who pointed the obvious, just tired of pretending not seeing what was really there.

Too tired to wait for Amy any longer.

So she walked away, and facing the fact that Karma was about to start the life she had dreamed for them, with someone else, Amy was forced to face the fact that she would have to make a choice as well.

And that, for her well-being, her sanity and whatever was left of her broken heart, she would just have to choose herself. Simply because Karma never would. Choose Amy, that is.   

It happened the week before Karma’s wedding. Amy wanted to wait. Wait till the wedding was over, wait for the perfect time to break the news. To break up.

Even before, just by knowing what was yet to come, she had already been miserable. But Karma, at the time, just thought it had been because of Reagan. Never imagining that it was because of her (the fact that she could be so clueless still makes Amy roll her eyes).

Amy realized she wouldn’t be able to wait when she first saw Karma in her wedding dress. She didn’t say anything at the shop, what according to Shane had been a waste of cinematographic timing, and she couldn’t make herself say anything afterwards either and that’s why she wrote that letter.

Seventeen pages of truths she couldn’t bear to say out loud. One simple reason for why she couldn’t stay. And not a sufficient amount of words that could ever convey how sorry she was for hurting Karma in anyway.

They took of that same night, Amy and Shane. Driving through the night like outlaws. She cried all the way to the next city, and the one after, and the one after.

For months that was all she did.

Until she didn’t anymore. Until her tears dried completely and her heart mend back. Not perfectly but somehow functionally. Good enough to feel but never the same.

Amy and Karma never spoke again. Months later, accidentally, her mother mentioned something about what a shame it was that after such a beautiful wedding, Karma’s marriage hadn’t last much longer, then something about how the young never knew how to make things last. She and Bruce were in town, helping Lauren to move in, and she stayed on the couch that night, thinking of calling Karma but never finding the courage to do it so.

If she ever let herself think about it – which she didn’t – Amy could not help but wonder just how much of it had been her doing. Feeling guilty about it and downright pretentious for even considering it as a possibility.

“You don’t owe her anything.” Shane’s voice brings Amy back. She blinks the tears away.

“I know.” She replies quietly, lacking conviction.

“But you’re still going to meet the kid tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” This time she knows she means it. They both do. “I am.”

.::.

Outside, the Ashcroft household remained mostly the same, untouched by the time.

Inside everything is different.  

Karma’s parents are older and frailer and they have just lost their daughter. The house that has always felt so peaceful and light is now full of sorrow.

Lucas hugs her tight and Molly uses a piece of her long skirt to dry the wetness in her eyes. “I’m so glad to see you” she says between platitudes and what seems to be a rehearsed speech about a better place and Karma being too good to remain between them.

They look at Lauren, but don’t really recognize her – nor they should after so many years and what little contact they had even before.

It takes a while until Amy realizes they think they are together. Which is weird and something that she immediately tries to remedy. “You remember, my sister? Lauren.”

They squint, confused, and it’s Lauren who clarifies. “Lauren Cooper, step-sister.” She extends her hand, a firm handshake on its way. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Yes, well, we are sure she’s in a better place now.” Molly says once again, but Lucas just remains quiet. “Clarisse told us you would come by. Levi is eager to meet you.”

“He is?” Amy falters, not sure of how to act if the boy knows what’s in play here. Will he blame her for not wanting the responsibility? Or just be relieved for not having to live with a complete stranger?”

“Well it’s not every day he gets to meet his mother’s best friend.” Molly clarifies with a sad smile and Amy doesn’t really know how to correct her.

 _But I’m not her best friend,_ she thinks, _I’m just the girl who ran_. She doesn’t say it though, and apparently it doesn’t matter. “I’ll go get him.”

“Would you like some tea?” Karma’s father offers and Amy wants to accept just to give him something to do other than to stand there, all sad and broken.

So she says, “sure.”

There’s a picture of Karma hanging on the wall, young and smiling that smile that was just big enough to hide how annoyed she was at something. Maybe taking the picture, maybe something else. And Amy wants to go back in time and change everything. She wants to call her and say she’s sorry. She wants to hear her voice and her laughter and even all the terrible things she would probably have to say about her leaving.

Amy wants to look up and see her standing there, on the hall, red red hair and her most beautiful smile, the real one.

She gets the next best thing.

Levi is nine and his hair is the same red as his mother’s, curled and copper and he’s not smiling, just looking small and unsure, holding his grandmother’s hand.

He looks like he has been sleeping, one of his cheeks still marked by the sheets and his brown eyes still sleepy under the longest eyelashes Amy has ever seen.

“Say hi, Levi.” His grandmother instructs him, gently.

“Hi.” His voice is hoarse and his expression is unreadable.

“Hi.” Amy says back, with a small smile and her heart heavy with just how much she feels standing there in front of a boy who looks just like the love of her life. “I’m Amy.”

“I know,” he says taking a step forward. A little more awake, a little more confident.

“You do?” She doesn’t hide her surprise.

“Yeah,” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal. Like it doesn’t mean the whole world. “My mom said you’d come.”

.::.

This time, Amy doesn’t run.

And just like that she finds what she didn’t even realized it was missing.

Thanks to Karma.

The end.  


End file.
